Parents, Forgive Your Parents!

Why do you think there is so much discussion and writing about forgiveness? Do you remember when you have truly and honestly forgiven somebody? Do you remember what you were feeling at that moment? How your body reacted? Muscles? What were you thinking? Did you feel a different heartbeat? And a new dynamics and quality in your breathing? Were you warm? Did you feel lighter, and smiled spontaneously? Were you able to find anything negative about forgiveness at that moment?

I believe that the answer to the last question is “NO”. And why are we still insisting on being right, and having a higher moral ground? Why, in the name of justice, ethics and so many other things, are we “not allowed” to forgive somebody, who did not act in line with our beliefs and caused us harm?

WHY FORGIVENESS?

We forgive mostly because of ourselves. So we can free ourselves from the poisonous negative energy arising from anger, aggression, jealousy, etc. The immediate effect of these destructive energies is not dangerous. But long term effects can lead to serious consequences, which are displayed as interconnectedness of emotional, mental and spiritual segments on one side and health or specific life situations on the other.

When we are talking about forgiveness, we should also be aware that in life, we are always finding ourselves in situations, where we are (un)intentionally or (un)knowingly “provoking” certain things to happen. We are probably all familiar with the saying that “What we carry inside, reflects on the outside”. And what does this mean? That we are able to recognise the call, which alerts us to the fact, that we need to make changes. If we hear this call, recognise it and make changes, we are preventing our environment from causing us anger, grief, hurt, etc. The person, who has caused offence, needs to deal with the consequences of her/his actions herself/himself. Therefore, it does not make sense for us to deal with actions of others, because we need to focus on our own actions.

PARENTS AND FORGIVENESS

Children and parents form a special bond. A special story. An intensive emotional exchange. An intertwining of feelings of deepest love, as well as anger, aggression. You can find more on this subject in the article “Who Am I and Who is My Child”.

Therefore we need to start with ourselves and our parents. When we forgive ourselves and our parents, at that moment, most of our problems often get resolved, since we have struck our inner demon on the head. And more… when we free ourselves, we are helping the person who needs to be forgiven. “Help yourself and you will help others at the same time!”

HOW CHILDREN REACT TO OUR FORGIVENESS

This part is very important indeed. The parents often act in a way to secure the very best for their children and to ensure the children are well taken care of. Materially and spiritually. We want our children to be content, happy, playful, full of internal peace and smiles, and more and more. We often forget about ourselves. But we should be aware that we are in the best position to give our children what they need, when we are taking care of ourselves at all levels (physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual). “Content parents, happy child!”

For example:

When a mother carries a memory of a certain event in her childhood, which had caused anxiety, anger, sadness, disappointment… it often happens that her parents repeat the behaviour with their grandchildren as well. A small incident can bring back memories of that event, and the mother will face similar feelings to the ones from her childhood. When the mother feels anxious, her child feels the anxiety as well. If the mother managed to deal with her bad memories, the child will not have to deal with them.

For Pre-School “Butterfly”: Maja Škvarč, the founder of Child’s FairyTale programme, www.childsfairytale.com

Translated by Vita Šebek

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